Little Kiwi and Bauhaus

Little Kiwi and Bauhaus
A Boy and His Dog

Saturday, 5 September 2009

In Defense of My Glorious Femme Brothers

The utter bullshit that is "Why Do Some Gay Guys Act Like Flamboyant Girly Queens"?
Now, who asks this question? Simple - gay men who are still terrified of what straight people are thinking about them, as gay men.  Truth.

Let's approach this from a place of reality and honesty.  Before a person is Out, they've been living an inauthentic lie of a life.  They've been Playing Straight.  What does this mean? It means they've lived in a way that has been coloured by a need to "not let people know that they're gay" - that *need* is eliminated when one Comes Out.

Now, it's very hard to "be yourself" when one does not know how to "be themselves" because they've spent years being someone else to society. Why do some guys have a change of energy, and perhaps get more flamboyant, when they intitially Come Out? Because they're doing everything they weren't allowed to do, or couldn't allow themselves to be, when they were living in the closet.  There's no longer a need to "appear straight" - no LIE to keep up.  You force out everything that was oppressed and many times it comes out in one big sparkly explosion. Does it last? Sometimes. Sometimes people just get it all out, find that the new energy is not "them" and find a new way to be. The real question is: "Does it matter?" They're hurting no one at all by wearing tight jeans and shirts.

What about the images other gay guys create? The 19 year old white boy decked in Abercrombie or thug-gear, flashing gang signals in his profile photos and trying (in vain) to pose "straight"? I'd lay down a year's salary that baby aint in a gang, but he flashes the gang signals because in his social sphere, that's considered "cool".
See what I mean? We all have our own image of how we want to be seen.

You see them and you see *girls* and you don't want to date *girls*. *yawwwwwn* Ugh. That's fine. Just as long as you realise that when many people see you they'll see a poseur-whiteboy trying to be 'thug' and not succeeding, and that will be a reason why guys will not want to date you.

I have, however, never in my life seen the "flamboyant femme guys" rudely judging non-flamboyant, non-femme guys. Ever.
You find me one profile that says "not into masculine butch guys" "not into guys who act 'like men'" or the bullshit that is "Being gay is just a small part of who i am..." and the downplaying of orientation in your life. it's just nonsense.

i challenge you. Honestly. Find me five profiles that put down non-femme gay dudes. Heck, find me ONE.
What you'll find instead is profile after profile putting down "femme" guys, and more nonsense about being into "guys who act like guys, and are 'str8-acting', and don't act all gay and aren't flamboyant and aren't all about being gay". These profiles also have a high tendency to list ethnic requirements for dating too (ie, the ubiquitus "Not into fats fems asians or blacks"), suggesting some real insecurities and issues at work, but hey, that's another topic.

The Gay Community doesn't tell anyone to fit a stereotype to be considered Gay. It's the fault of the Not-OUT non-femme gay guys for not having a visible enough presence, socially and politically, to have their own equally-accessible community.  Ignorant straight people and insecure homosexual men are the ones who falsely claim that there's a "pressure to be one kind of gay".  I call bullshit on that.  There pressure is on folks to NOT be "that kind of gay" because "that kind of gay" is mocked and belittled by ignorant straight people, and the insecure homosexuals who suck up to them for tolerance.  GOProud anyone? Exactly.

Do i notice that some gay guys embrace a more feminine aesthetic when they come out? Yes.
And I also notice that the only guys who have an 'issue' with it are massively insecure types who pride themselves on their ability to (often in their eyes alone) "pass for straight". The guys who justify being gay by embracing the stereotypes of the hetereosexual male population instead.  And who, exactly, can't tell that they're gay?  Non-Savvy straight people?  Anyone can "pass" if they want to badly enough.  But it's about as noble as tip-toeing around the blind.  I've never met a gay man I couldn't tell was gay - when you're Out long enough, and have interacted with enough varied types of LGBT over the years you learn to see past supposed "stereotypes" and are able to identify Family.

Newsflash: really, truly masculine guys don't give a fuck if another guy acts more 'femme' or not. in discussing your attitudes about femme guys, all you dudes have done is shown your own insecurities about being gay. know it. think about. work on it.

Dudes who are clearly still a victim of emasculation issues.

Newsflash Number 2: all this "be a man" talk? men have balls. many of you are not fully Out. therefore you have no balls. be a man, grow a pair, and come out, instead of sitting here judging and criticizing the 'femme' guys who DO have the balls to be Out. that's another part of your critique of them: you see how they dress, and how they act, and you think they're 'feminine' and weak......but these prettyboys are fully Out. And a lot of you are not. Therefore you're emasculated by them. They're femme and they're unafraid, and you mock them even though you have less courage than they do. it's blatantly obvious to anyone who knows anything about Human Nature.

and i repeat: find me ANY profiles online that put down "masc guys". i challenge you. you'll find plenty of "not into fats, fems asians or blacks" but i doubt you'll find any of the opposite.

why? because those who no longer give a fuck about people knowing that they're gay don't spend time worrying about such things.

saying that you're "masc" is like saying that you're "cool" - to be it, one must first stop hoping that people think you ARE it.  

too many gay men think "masc" or "masculine" means "nobody can tell that i'm gay" - NONSENSE.  one can be visibly, identifiably, obviously GAY and still be, and embody, what society deems to be "masculine" - and if you disagree then you prove that you still see masculinity through the prism of heterosexual, misogynistic anti-gay prejudice.  

and that's not very masc of you, bro. ;-)

masculinity, being a societal concept, clearly means something different to everyone.  so if and why you use "masc" as a descriptor, just remember you're likely to be disappointed that people don't assume it means the same thing as you.

1 comment:

Leonard said...

Right on! Men who are opposed to femme guys are not only homophobic but misogynistic, since they obviously have an idea of gender performance that even Ward Clever and June Cleaver couldn't fulfill. Usually these 'butch' guys are a hyperbole of heteronormative masculinity; there are very few heterosexual men who would probably live up to the ideals of someone who is "not into fats, femmes, Asians or Blacks."

Little Kiwi Loves Bauhaus

Little Kiwi Loves Bauhaus
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