Little Kiwi and Bauhaus

Little Kiwi and Bauhaus
A Boy and His Dog

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Carrying Self-Hatred into Adulthood

You know, it's one thing when this sort of nonsense is being spouted by the younger gay guys who are still struggling with finding themselves in a homophobic, misogynistic patriarchal world that worships all things White!, Straight!, Male! and (for lack of better word) 'Typical."

I can *understand* it in the younger people. But to be passing off this same bullshit as one is approaching 40? REALLY? That's just sad. He's not talking about specifics, either. It's utterly amorphous concepts. Truly, think about it - he's not saying he doesn't watch "Glee" (heck I don't watch it either, but I don't make a point on Grindr or gay-social sites of saying I DON'TWATCH GLEE!), he's saying that he isn't into guys who LOOK LIKE they watch "Glee". He has an idea of what a person who watches Glee looks like, and acts like, and he's scared of that. One more grown-ass man who's still living in fear of the things his asshole father considered "Gay Stereotypes" - baseless, ignorant stupidity.

So....Oh, boo-hoo hoo. I got called a faggot by a gay man who thinks he can pass for straight (in a tank top and army shorts on a patio? gurrrrl, that's like Official Homo Summer Wear!). Oh no. I'm crushed. The reality is this - this guy calling me a faggot will not make his own life better. In fact it will continue to make his own life worse. He only finds security in being gay by making sure he's not seen as "one of those faggots." Until you as a gay man can stand on your own two feet as a gay man, without downplaying, compartmentalizing, editing, censoring or "distancing" yourself from other gay men, you will never ever EVER find happiness, joy and authenticity in life.

Who was this guy? Quite likely the guy that joined in making fun of the "school faggot" as a child.  I'm sure a lot of us have met those guys later in life.  We remember them, they made fun of gays, laughed at fags, didn't get targeted themselves of course.  And then years later we see them at Woody's one night.  You join the throngs of haters in hating "them" in hopes the haters won't laser in on you.

The good news is that a lot of young gay people are learning this at a younger age. They're getting over these issues before they reach their midtwenties, or even actual adulthood. Alas, there are the throwbacks - the guys that never got over it. Good luck in life to any of you who think you will find happiness as a gay man, entering into gay relationships, when you're still being "proud" of your supposed ability to pass for something that you're not.

And here's the kicker - you're actually not fooling anyone. You may think that people can't 'tell' that you're gay, or don't know - you're wrong. They can tell. They know. And they also all know how insecure you are about it. That's why they never bring it up. Sure, they've askedgeneral questions, expecting you to mention a boyfriend, or some indicator that YES, you are in fact gay. And then they notice how you avoid it. No straight people are vague about their heterosexuality - only insecure homosexuals try to pull off that shit and pretend it isn't glaringly obvious.

S0 YES, they notice. Yes, they know. Yes, they can tell. And so they can also tell that you're a doormat - an insecure boy posing as a man. It's just terribly weak.
Nobody has bluntly asked "are you gay", because:
1. nobody asks that question because in a still-bigoted culture it's considered "rude" and "too personal" to ask such a question.
2. they can tell and they can tell how insecure you are about it and how you avoid it, so they therefore don't bother to bring up something that you clearly have such ridiculous baggage about.

Nearly 40 and still taking pride in (unsuccessfully) passing yourself for something you're not? I can't think of anything less *manly* - that's being an insecure little boy.

This is not about masculinity, nor even perceptions of it.  It's the sheer simple fact that no masculine, confident, secure gay man would say the things this man has said.  This is what self-hatred looks like. And that's not masculine.

*edit. I was recently mailed this new pic of the same dunce. Love the new words. What a big man he is, eh? ;-)


ry said...

yeah, with his man purse on the table. straight acting man purse of course....

Mark said...

can't we all just get it on i mean get along? :)

Top to Bottom said...

Is it weird that I'm turned on right now? (by you, not him, of course).

readycarlos said...

I'm loving you so much right now Kiwi! Is it OK if I copy and paste your Grindr messages word for word and send them to every so-called "straight-acting" bitch that still thinks she has the world fooled? I would add, "You're straight-acting, but you suck dick? BAD ACTING! Get off the stage honey cause Meryl Streep you aint!"

neilintoronto said...

well done! my favourite bit of the exchange was the "I was more of a man at 16..." heheheh

t said...

good on you. he's a loser. and probably has a small dick to boot. not that there's anything wrong with that.... :)

Drewcifer said...

The "faggot" slinging at the end is the icing on the cake. If nothing else proves that he's insecure with his sexuality, then calling another gay man "fag" certainly does.

Timothy Wang said...

This is awesome. I agree the younger people (who grew up on manga and pokemon are more expose to media outside of Hollywood) are more accepting of other races than the 25 to 40 year old crow.

lito quez said...

i feel so torn about this. i absolutely agree that terms like "masc" and "straight-acting" are not only meaningless, but are destructive and only conserve the heteronormative bullshit that men who fuck men should always strive to get rid of.

on the other hand, i don't know that attacking guys on grindr is the way to do it. you're angry about it, i'm super angry about it too, all the guys on here are angry. i wonder if there's a better way to handle it. i wonder if it can't be better tackled among friends, or at least in a friendlier way. not that we care too much about this loser, but what did he take away from that conversation? he probably feels justified that feminine men are catty, crazy, uppity bitches.

sometimes i think it would be so great to just stuff dick down the throats of all these losers and shut them up for good. they could be the permanent gloryholers of the world. they have no clue what it means to be a man and should probably do the world a favor and stop pretending that they're something they're not. truly masculine men appreciate the man behind the demeanor–especially in bed.

pranger said...

I don't sleep with anyone who drinks beer that looks like piss.

Christian Paolino said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shiftynj said...

Miss you! When Connexion died I went back to RealJock even though I am not crazy about the name. It is the same arguing there that we had on Connexion all the time about how you shouldn't be called out for the way you express your "preference".

shiftynj said...

Oh I forgot the main reason for my comment... have you been on Douchebags of Grindr yet?

Anonymous said...

This is too good. Is it really Rick? Or were you kidding? In either case, it's great.

Little Kiwi said...

it aint RICK. but it might as well be. they're all the same, after all.

Anonymous said...

um, he *is* allowed to say who he's attracted to and not attracted to. It's fair. He is attracted to men, and a specific type of man.

It's no different from you saying "No vaginas and breasts please, I only like cock"

Little Kiwi said...

didn't say he wasn't allowed. just pointed out how obvious his insecurity and self-loathing is.

but you don't sound very smart, "anonymous".


WOW WOW WOW this is why I stay at home and watch Bravo and listen to the radio. Its ironic this guy is probably at home too. DATEless. Poor thing.

Anonymous said...

you conflate so many things in your poorly worded rant. Let me help clear some things up for you.

masculine does not equal straight.
being attracted to masculine men is not a red-flag for self hating gay.

You went on the attack for no reason, frankly I would have been even nastier to some high-horsed fucktard giving me shit for no reason on grindr than this guy was...

Little Kiwi said...

oh, poor sad "Anonymous"

He didn't talk about being masculine. I didn't talk about being masculine. This has nothing to do with being masculine.

He did not say "masculine guy for same"

He did not list his likes and interests. He expressed prejudices, not preferences

The red flag is not being "into masculine guys" - the red flag is the sheer fact that all he did was express a pathetic level of prejudice.

Which you don't see, "Anonymous"

Ten bucks says you can't even put a face to your comments.
May you one day grow an actual pair of balls. And if they're giving out spare parts, a brain as well.

You need 'em.

Anonymous said...

He's a douche.

You're a douche.

Why don't you two douches get together for the douchefest you both so desperately long for, and spare the world your little cuntfest drama ?

You wouldn't be so upset about being called a "fag" if you didn't have some sort of issues yourself.

I mean, you try so hard to BE a fag, right ?

Little Kiwi said...

How about you grow a pair and put a face and name to your comments, "Anonymous"?

Or are you simply not man enough?


Anonymous said...

I've talked to this guy twice...

the first time he was horrendously rude and totally insulting.

the next time, he hit me up after i changed up my pic and profile. i told him to go fuck his damn self!

Little Kiwi Loves Bauhaus

Little Kiwi Loves Bauhaus
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